Drunken straw hats
by E-Zuffy
Summary: This story is about Luffy and the crew going to a local pub and getting themselves totally smashed causing chaos! What will happen when a rubber man and a swords man gets drunk?
1. Chapter 1

**Drink till You Drop!**

The Contest 

This is a short break from DEAD MEN WALKING we need to think of more ideas

Good none the less, funnier, please read and review A/N 

**Blue Shenron:**_ Yo, this is our 2nd story and it is hilarious!_

**Jungle boy: **_Ever met a drunken swords man and a drunken rubber man? Well this is your change_

**Luffy: **_What?_

**Zoro: **_They are going to get us drunk Luffy!_

**Blue Shenron and Jungle Boy: **_Yep, course we are!(evil laugh)_

One day Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji and Robin all thought that they needed a rest from there ship, Tony Tony Chopper stayed in the ship because he isn't the biggest fan for drinking! They are in a local pub and are drinking themselves blind! 

They all enter and everyone in the pub runs out after seeing Luffy's and Zoro's faces because of the wanted sign all over their town!

The Bar tender Tries to run but Zoro throws his sword at the back door slamming it shut and Luffy grabs him and says:

Luffy: Well Well, we aren't as bad as you think!

Nami: Just get to know us

Usopp: Can I have an orange juice please?

Zoro: What, why do you want an orange juice?

Robin: Yeah, me too! _Sitting on the table next to the already seated Usopp!_

Zoro: Ok then, I guess you want an orange juice then to Luffy?

Luffy NO, I am a bigger drinker than you will ever be!

Nami: Well Boys before you to start drinking I want to order! _She sits down at the bar, Sanji sits rite next to her and smiles!_

Sanji: I will buy anything for you my love!

Nami: Well, I can handle myself Sanji, I am not poor!

Sanji: _Going red _well, my darling I am not …

Zoro: Shut it pussy, why do want to go out with Nami anyway, she will only rob you and run!

Nami: Well …

Luffy: Lets drink then Zoro if you think that you can beat me!

Zoro: Bring it rubber boy!

Luffy and Zoro sit down on the nearest table and Robin runs over to be the ref!

Sanji: Wait a minuite, I want to set a few rules, no getting of with my future lover, nami! But feel free to get off with robin because she is a slut!

Luffy: Cool!

Zoro: BAR TENDER, BRING US 20 OF YOUR STRONGEST…

Luffy: NO …

Zoro: Cant you handle it?

Luffy: 70 drinks, strongest you have please fred!

Bar tender: My name is not …

Zoro looks at him and he immediately runs to get his strongest drinks! Robin: Now this is also judged on style of drinking lads 

Zoro: Ha, when I win Luffy will have no style left!

Luffy: NO, when I win you will have no … no … ummmmmm _Turns deep in thought! Vodka is put on the table covering two tables in strong cups of drink!_

_Luffy pulls his finger out and grabs 5, he gulps them down and burps in Zoro's face! Robin Marks down 5 on her score sheet that Usopp had given her!_

_Zoro picks up his two swords and drinks twenty (10 on each sword)!_

_Zoro smiles!_

_Luffy grabs 30 drinks and gulps them down! Wow, that was good!_

Luffy: Hello world, hello mum, hello Fred Zoro drinks 10 and goes completely hammered! Luffy drinks the rest (five) and he is smashed aswell! Robin: Ok, it is a tie, you are both completely smashed! 

Luffy: You don't know that, you … you … hello robin, when did you get here?

Robin: What?

Zoro: Who are you?

Nami: Well, they are defiantly happy and drunk!

Usopp: Well, I am happy with orange juice!

Luffy: You should be

Zoro: Yeah Pinocchio!

Usopp: My nose is a secret weapon, used for the king of the grand line _His nose grows!_

Luffy: Yeah, and bogie picking! 

Zoro: Yeah and … thing like … like _falls off of his chair _I need the toilet

Luffy: Need help? 

Zoro: I am perfectly capable _walks towards the toilets _of going to the toilets myself _walks into the ladies toilets and shouts!_

Zoro: Where are the urinals? 

Luffy: Try the left

Zoro: Found it _and pees in the corner_

Sanji: Well my darling Nami, I will never get drunk, I am always hear for you my love!

Nami: Thanks! I think?

Luffy: So, Usopp, have you ever being with a lady?

Usopp: Well of course I have _Nose grows_

Luffy: Have you ever kissed a lady? 

Usopp: Well, I have kissed ten ladies on my voyage to find my father! _Nose grows_

Luffy: Usopp, are you gay? 

Usopp: NO, of course not _nose grows_

Luffy: You like me Usopp? 

Usopp: No _Nose doesn't grow_

Luffy: Do you like Zoro Usopp?

Usopp: NO, I HAVE TOLD YOU _Nose grows (again)_

Zoro comes out of the toilets and zips his flies back up and smiles at Nami Zoro: Took your nose in Usopp, it is showing! 

Luffy: You can't look at Nami because I will look at Nami

Nami: Well, you can both look at me! _Sanji fumes_

Luffy: Go ask the slut if she will … will … SUNSINE, WHERE HAVE YOU GONE AWAY AND I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE LALALALA LALALA LALA LA_N starts to sing_

Zoro: I have a bet to put on with you, Luffy! Luffy and Zoro go over to the corner and they start to wisper Zoro: Do you want another bet? 

Luffy: No, I don't want a cat

Zoro: A BET

Luffy: I don't want a bat either thank you, please come again, Hey, Zoro do you want a bet?

Zoro: Ok then, what

Luffy: who can pull Nami first, yeah

Zoro: Ok!

A/N 

**Blue Shenron: **_That was funny_

**Jungle Boy: **_Well, the next one is going to be funnier_

**Blue Shenron: **_yeah, Full Monty! _


	2. Strippers

**Drunken Straw Hats**   
Chapter 2: Strippers 

A/N 

Blue Shenron: Ok, Luffy, Zoro your police outfits are over there.

Luffy: What are we doing again?

Jungle boy: Please explain to Luffy Zoro.

Zoro: Right.

Jungle boy: Hi readers were just explaining what Luffy and Zoro have to do in this chapter.

Jungle boy, Blue Shenron and Zoro: NO LUFFY DON'T DO THAT!

We join Luffy, singing (again) on the bar, and Zoro, talking to a wall (thinking it is Nami).

Luffy: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN PIRATE? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN … UM... MELON, EARLY IN THE MORNING!

Zoro: So Nami, feel like going out some time? _Talking to the table now! There was no answer! _FINE, DON'T ANSWER ME THEN! _Walks over to Luffy!_

Luffy: Whoa! _Luffy falls off of the bar! _Zoro, look at your big, long stick

Zoro: Well, nice of you to notice bob, I use it to stick it …

Luffy: There are 10!

Zoro: WHAT?

Luffy: No, there are 7! _Points to the _**3 **_of Zoro's swords!_

Zoro: Oh, well, I use them to … to … tomorrow, the sun will shine! _Starts to sing!_

Luffy suddenly stands up and walks out of the bar shouting "I have an idea!"

Nami: Will he be alright?

Sanji: _mutters _hopefully not!

Zoro: I heard that… **FRED **Hey, I remember you from university, remember that soccer game, waaaaahhoooo! GO TIGERS! _Falls down and goes to sleep!_

Nami: What about Luffy?

Robin: Will he be alright?

Usopp: No, of course not, the state he is in!

Nami: So what are we going to do?

Robin: Um, well, we could go and search for him! But it is cold out there

Nami: Yeah, and I am, ummm … a virgin, I don't want to get rapped!

Sanji: _Mutters _now, that is an idea!

_Suddenly Luffy bursts through the door singing "oh happy day" with a bag in his right hand._

Luffy: HEY! Zoro, come over hear for a minute, I will meet you in the corner in two seconds! _Points to the middle of the room and holds 10 fingers up!_

Zoro: Ohhhhhhhh, a big bag of … of…Good morning starshine, the world says hellooooooooo!

_Luffy grabs him and pulls him to the middle of the room, and they both fly into the corner for Luffy is drunk and thought that it would be fun to hit Zoro and himself over the head, they stand up and are in a closed off area (the toilets)!_

Nami: I wonder what is in the bag?

Robin: There is one thing we need now is some male strippers!

Usopp: I AGREE

Robin: What?

Usopp: I mean, holy shit, I disagree, and what is that Sanji _trying to change the subject_ you want to volunteer?

Sanji: Uh, ok!

Robin: I said "MALE" Strippers

Nami: Giggles, like Luffy and Zor- _Slaps her hand over her mouth!_

_Suddenly two police men come out of the toilets and stand on the bar, swaying a bit, the bigger, more well built one says "hello ladies" and gay boys "Usopp"!_

Robin and Nami: STRIPPERS! _They shouted happily._

Unown Strippers: That's right ladies and Usopp.

Nami: wonder what's taking Luffy and Zoro so long

U.S: They are closer than you think ladies, and Usopp

_The unknown strippers lift their hats up and immediately The girls know who it is, it is Luffy and Zoro, the drunken Pirates!_

Luffy: Hellooooo, ladies

Zoro: Helloooooo, Nami

Usopp: _mutters _Helloooo Zoro _dribbles _

_They start to take off there clothes and Nami is the centre of attention for the two drunken pirates, Luffy puts his Tie around Nami's neck, pulling hey towards his body, Sanji, gets even madder and bites the end of his fag off!_

_Zoro (Still remembering the bet) kicks Luffy out of the way and does exactly the same, Nami starts to giggle and she slaps Sanji, who is holding onto her arm, trying to pull her away!_

_Luffy stand back up onto the bar and so does Zoro, they both start to strip even more (if that is possible)!_

_The idiotic Luffy lights a match and points it at Zoro!_

Luffy: I am hot

Zoro: So am I, I'm to sexy for my boxers _and takes them off, placing his hat in the way!_

Nami: You are hot!

Usopp: You are on fire

Zoro: GAY BOY!

Usopp: No, you are on fire!

_Luffy had accidentally put the match into Zoro's hair and he was shouting!_

Luffy: Up's

Zoro: Ahhhhh _Runs around the bar_

Luffy: I have got it!

Zoro: My head!

_Luffy pours vodka onto the flames causing it to burst up and Zoro jumps into the Barrel that is full of water, Luffy also stops and places his hat (the only bit of clothing on him) where his, uhem's were!_

Nami: Well Boys, That wasn's as good as you wanted it to be!

Robin I enjoyed it!

Usopp: Me too – _Every one looks at him –_ I mean, ohh, an ant, I am going to take it outside!_ Runs out of the bar_

Nami: What is the time?

Zoro: 10 to 10, past 6 and 20 past 8, ok?

Luffy: No it is 10 past 12 to 5 and it looks like the pig has hit the 12!

Nami: What?

Robin: It is only 11 o'clock!

Luffy: I know, spin the bottle

Zoro: or, truth or dare!

**Please Read and Review! Thank You**


	3. thruth or dare

Drunken straw hats 

**C**hapter 3: Truth or Dare

A/N 

**Blue Shenron**_I love truth or dare man!_

**Jungle Boy: **_This is going to be the funniest yet!_

_Zoro, Luffy, Nami, Robin and Usopp are all sat down on the floor playing truth or dare, Sanji is sat in the corner, he is angry that Nami is paying more attention to Zoro than him!_

The Bottle Lands on Luffy 

Robin: I dare you to kiss Nami for five seconds, with toungs!

Luffy: Ok

Sanji: Why I aorta …

A luffy walk over to Nami to kiss her but Nami puts her hand in the way, Luffy shouts out high five and Nami sighs!

The bottle in spun again and it lands on Zoro

Usopp: Says quickly and mutters it I dare you to take your hat off so I can see!

Zoro: What about my crap?

Nami: Usopp?

Usopp points at the innocent robin

Zoro: Ok then robin I –

Luffy: He He He bursts out laughing

Nami: What?

Robin: what is wrong?

Usopp: What the …

Luffy: Zoro …

Zoro: Yeah Nami, what do you want?

Nami: uh?

Luffy: Zoro is naked!

Nami: So are you

Zoro: Bursts out laughing

Nami: What now?

Zoro: You are all wearing clothes

Nami: So?

Robin: I am sure that we are feeling pretty silly right now!

Usopp: Lets spin the Bottle again!

The Bottle land on Usopp!

Usopp: Truth!

Zoro: Ok, I dare you to

Usopp: I said truth!

Nami: You can't pick Truth!

Usopp: Why not?

Robin: Because you lie!

Usopp: Well then I am not playing

Luffy: I need the Toilet

Luffy runs to the toilet! About 20 minuets later Luffy comes out and says:

Luffy: I missed!

Nami: What did you miss?

Luffy: The hole!

Nami: Looks at the wet patch on his hat! And …

Luffy: Oh, I didn't get there in time; I will pay the janitor, Jimmy!

Bar Tender: my name isn't Jimmy

Luffy: Ok then Jimmy!

Zoro: Say, Nami, what is the time?

Sanji: mutters Time to go to drastic measures, rape Nami!

Zoro: Time for bed!

Luffy: Nami, will you join me?

Nami: Ummm, ok then

Nami and Luffy walk up stairs and about half way Luffy shouts

Luffy: I WIN THE BET!

Nami: what bet?

Luffy, the bet that I put on with Zoro that I could pull you!

Nami slaps him and runs down stairs and takes Zoro upstairs

Zoro: Let's get this party started!

Nami: oh yeah

Robin: I am free Luffy!

Luffy: Ah, slut woman, escort me to my bed!

Robin: Ok!

Luffy and Robin go upstairs and enter the bedroom next to Zoro and Nami! There is one room left

Usopp: Hey Sanji would you like me to…

Sanji: To what?

Usopp: To, go and have…

Sanji: What?

Usopp: Have a good time winks

Sanji: ok, nothing better to do!

Sanji and Usopp go into the last bedroom!

Zoro runs into the room where Luffy is and asks to borrow his skin!

Luffy: Why?

Zoro: I am going to have some hard sex with Nami!

Luffy: ok! Zoro takes a bit of his leg!

Zoro: Wait, Luffy aren't you under age?

Luffy: Yep

Zoro: Cool! Walks out of the room

**Please Read and Review Thank You!**

**There will be one more chapter! He he he**


	4. morning after

DRUNKEN STRAW HATS 

**Chapter 4** – The Morning after

The birds were twirping and the lovers were down stairs, Sanji and Usopp, Zoro walks down the stairs to join them! 

Zoro: What happened last night?

Sanji: Don't you remember?

Zoro: No

Sanji: You had sex with my future lover!

Zoro: oh, where is she now?

Usopp: Next to you, in your bed maybe?

Zoro: Oh, cool, I am going to go back to bed

Sanji: WHAT?

Zoro: Nami might be cold! _A smirk comes across his face as he goes upstairs!_

Suddenly the pub shook! 

Luffy: Ahhhhhhh, My Head!

Usopp: Luffy is up darling!

Sanji: don't call me that, I was lonely last night!

Usopp: oh, yeah, uh, me too!

Luffy: Oh, hi robin!

Robin: Why are you naked? Why am I naked? Did you rape me?

Robin: No, we slept …

Luffy: I remember, no I don't, that was last week!

Robin: We had sex!

Luffy: I am hungry!

Robin: WE HAD SEX! _Trying to get it through to him that they done something wrong last night!_

Luffy: I AM HUNGRY!

Robin: Ok then, you are under age

Luffy: For what, food?

Robin: No, for SEX!

Luffy: Who had sex, where has half o my leg gone?

Robin: Zoro took it!

Tony Tony Chopper: Come on crew, Time to go!

The crew got dressed and came down stairs and were heading to the ship!

Tony Tony Chopper: what happened, was it fun?

Luffy: Well … Um?

Zoro: It was …

Robin: An experience

Nami: I suppose it was ok!

Sanji: I hated it!

Usopp: IT WAS GREAT!

Please Read and Review Thank you! 

A/N

**Blue Shenron: **_Ok, well that was, ummm, Zoro was umm, that is all I have to say!_

**Jungle Boy: **_It was funny, but you might not realise it yet, but we don't like Usopp! Sanji is ok, I suppose_

**Blue Shenron: **_Yeah, that is the word, funny man!_


End file.
